Crab of a Townhome.

Can I say its a piece of cra"b"?  So the toilet was fixed, but had a hairline crack that no one noticed. It decided to leak big time and filled my kitchen below with water. We ended up buying a new toilet. However, there is some issues discovered:

1) underneath the toilet it has rotted.
2) Only a matter of time before new toilet falls through to kitchen floor. (do not know how long this takes, as I didn't see the damage myself and my father is not to be believed!)
3) Kitchen ceiling needs to be redone. Water damage galore!

4) Bats in Attic means paying to get them removed.
5) Must fix damage caused by bats. Where bats get in should have been fixed when the townhome was built! Cheap fools.
6) Ice Dams on roof of neighbor. We share the same room. However, what causes these ice dams? Foolish amount of insulation in the roof. Either too little, or too much. Because air leaks in through the windows and doors, my vote is on too little insulation.
7) I could buy this little black foam that goes into the gutters to help prevent icedams in the winter. I shall be doing this AFTER I find out what it is called, and who sells it.

Insurance might pay for some of this, but dad can not even afford the $500 out of pocket expense because he had to pay $7500 in taxes that he wasn't expecting to have to pay. He wouldn't have bought the townhome if turbo tax had ALL the forms when he needed them. And, truthfully, if I didn't have the stupid tinnitus issue in the ears (which is gone now), I would still be in that apartment not dealing with a piece of crab of a townhome. He might have the money in July. I am so stressed that for the first time in many many years, I'm emotionally not well at all. I might even go into Riverwind and live their for a week until I can better deal with this hole I live in. On top of all of this, my sister gets a bedroom that works, while I deal with the bats, only because I needed the larger bedroom for my office. I have to sleep on the couch in the living room. She gets the better bathroom only because its on the main floor and I didn't want to share a bathroom with slobs.

I'm hoping that by posting this, I'll feel better and be able to deal with this. Or, G_d will finally get me out of this hole and married! I am 45 years old and feel like G-d has hated me since day one! Why? I've had more cra"b" in my life then should be allowed anyone! I am NOT Job! I want out! I'm tired of my idiotic father who REFUSED to allow me check out the attic before we bought this place. He refused to pay for an inspecter. "its fine, nothing wrong with it". He FOLLOWS ROSES AND PRETTY FLOWERS! He is an airhead on steroids! I'm never knew someone so stupid in my life! Even my ex-friend who was extremely delusional had more common sense! (And he thought the cops were out to get him even though he hadn't done anything wrong in years.) I also feel that not being allowed to have children is a mixed blessing. On one hand I feel it is my right that If I'm going to be born in 1965 and raised on 50's TV shows and their view point of life, then I should be able to have biological children and NOT have everything taken away from me! On the other hand, I am scared to death to have biological children because they might be born with the predispostion to be an airhead like my father, addicted to the unmentionable and alcohol (not a drunk, just must have a drink or 2 every day and can not quit. Tried before). Plus, have my auditory dyxlexia, visual dyslexia, stuttering, mental illness and every other curse that has been on this family for over 4 generations!

I just want to run! I've not been suicidal in many many years. Now, I'm fighting it, but won't do anything stupid because I do have more common sense than all that. Besides, I know Y'Shua does NOT want to see me before my time, and I know he wouldn't allow me to be successful anyways, so why bother. I learned this when I was 3. I'm fighting feeling of hating G-d and wanting to kill him while I try to reframe and see the ugly truth. It Satan and NOT G-d who is behind some of this. When family vacation comes around and they go to Bemidji (rented cabin already budgeted for by dad), I'm very seriously considering NOT going. As much as I can't stand it here, I really can't justify going to a cabin filled with hard chairs, hard beds, and hard couches and calling it a vacation. It isn't. I need soft and comfort. I'd rather sleep in a tent! I'd never pay $800 a week for that cabin. Sure, it looks nice, but it is about as comfortable as having rocks tosses at you. And, I really do not think I can handle this this year. I  do bring my own air mattress and memory foam to put over the bed. I also spend as much time at coffee houses as I can to get away from those hard wooden couches. I've almost reached my bottoming out and I do not want to do anything that could possibly make it worse. I'm still able to keep my sanity, but barely. Anything else might bring me into not caring about the truths about G-d I do know and might make me actually do something stupid.

Dad does say that insurance might pay for some of it, but not most of it. And the $500, dad won't have for a while due to taxes was extremely high this year. On top of all of this, my psychotropic meds are NOT staying down! I've got IBS and way too many food sensitivities. Its the food sensitivities and my limited diet that is causing the meds to not stay down. NO meds stay down except my Synthryroid. Also, Seroquel causes trycliceroids to sky rocket. This is not helping the meds stay down either. HOWEVER, when we were trying different meds before, seroquel was the ONLY med that kept me from want to strangle my parents. This is why I am scared to death to get off of seroquel, even though I do have much better coping skills now. By the way, I've not been suicidal since 7 yrs old. Thats when I realized that if My redeemer lives, Jesus lives (Y'Shua), then I should want to live to. Sure, I'm probably going to have a great witnessing life in the future but right now I could care less! I can't handle the plate G-d gave me and he knows it!

ps. Dad said that the rot around the toilet is only around the drain, and is not that much (1/4 inch). Thus, the structure of the wood is still good enough so that the toilet isn't in danger of falling through. This opinion was shared by  a fellow church member who would have a better idea on this. I'm used to HGTV's claim that we need to remove rotting wood. However, with my eyesight, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the rot HGTV saw (on their more minor rotting projects) and the rot I have.

Signed,

one who might end up checking herself in yet after at least 6 years of successfully avoiding having to check in