End of the year!!

Holy moly.

It's December.

Talk about insane.

What a crazy year. There were time this year when I thought the year would never end, but then there were times when I could hardly believe it was 2009, much less the end of it!

It's crazy, because I was reading some of the stuff I wrote in last year's year end blog, and I was saying how great the year had been for me, and encouraging people who were having a rough time to hang on, because it isn't forever. I said

Actually, check out this quote:

"... I want to say for those who are in the valley, just remember, you have to go through the valley before you can stand upon the mountain, just keep your eyes on Jesus, and trust him to take you through. Times will get better, because like Revelation 21:4 says, He will wipe away your tears and there will be no more sorrow no more crying and no more pain, because the old order things has died. Hold onto Jesus and don't let go..."

I guess I've had to take a lot of my own advice, more than I ever thought I would. This has been hands down, THE hardest year of my life. But it's been AMAZING.

Check this out. It's something I wrote last year.

" I am looking forward to what is to come, even though I know that there will be valleys and trials, tears and sorrow, I know he will take me through them, and I am looking forward to seeing what he will bring about through the midst of them, and what he will teach me. I know it won't be easy, but it WILL be worth it!!!"

Looking back on that now, I wonder if I even knew what I was saying. I mean, talk about

a freaky prediction of the future. Ever since mid-January, of this year, it's

been a daily struggle to see what God was trying to teach me. Sometimes I

wondered if it really IS worth it. I felt like I knew the literal meaning of

Psalms 6:6 when David said:

"I am worn out from groaning;

all night long I flood my bed with weeping

and drench my couch with tears."

I cant even count the times I had to flip my pillow over because it was soaked with tears

on one side..

And Psalms 42:3 When he said:

"My tears have been my food day and night..."

There were days when I didn't eat, just because I had been crying so much that I felt like my body would literally shut down if I ate something.

But what I found out is this: Because of these trials, I've been forced to dig deeper in my relationship with Christ. And you know what? If I thought last year that I knew what God was calling me to do, I know it even more now.

Funny I'm talking about trials and hard times.

Strange how I'm saying that they're worth it.

After all, I just got home from the Doctors office less than an hour ago, and I found out that I'm going to have surgery in January. But you know what? It's going to be ok.

I'm not saying that I'll be able to dance again.

I'm not saying that I'll be able to get on the dance team in a couple years.

I'm not saying that I'll be able to go to Interlochen.

I'm not saying that any of my dreams (as far as dance goes) will ever come to pass.

I'm not saying any of that.

But it's still going to be okay.

You know, Mike Donehey was right when he said that what we do does not define us.

I am NOT a dancer! Do you hear me people?! I am NOT a dancer! I am not a guitar player, and I am not a singer! If I look to find myself in dance, or music, or anything else that might come up, It's not going to work, because that is not who I am .

I'm a child of God... who happens to dance.

I'm a child of God... who happens to play a guitar.

I'm a child of God... who happens to sing sometimes.

I guess what I'm trying to say to you all is that when we see the truth that what we do does not define us, rather its what has been done FOR us that defines us, it doesn't matter if you've had a good year or a bad year. You are a child of God, and he thought you were worth dying for... literally!